has Bulgaria been a strain on you ?

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Liliana

Re: has Bulgaria been a strain on you ?

Postby Liliana » Sat Sep 18, 2010 4:12 pm

compact wrote:I have seen a lot of relationships fail in Bulgaria , do you have a story to tell ?


So Compact where are you?

You started a thread with quite a contentious question which has generated 8 pages and you've not told your story if you have one. Maybe you're just being nosy... ish?

Sorry about you folks out there who are disillusioned with Bulgaria because I could be also but the good far out weighs the bad.. :)

As for damaged people... What's that all about? :roll:

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DeeCee
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Postby DeeCee » Sat Sep 18, 2010 5:18 pm

Oh, yes, I find the lack of honesty a strain - I'm told this is [at least sometimes] a fear of 'losing face'. I have just had to say that I will not negociate with a woodyard boss over a damaged set of gates 'because I find, in general, that it is a waste of time to negociate with people who cannot tell the truth ...' [big grin]

And the 'control freaks' - that hit a chord or two with me! How many times have I said to myself 'In England we would call ....... a sociopath'. It seems like a thread that has run through these last 4 years. I have put it down to being a 'woman on her own', who obviously needs a man to manage her affairs [and of course, her income], but clearly from what has been said here, it's not that simple, and sometimes the control freaks are women.

But still, I've met enough decent, trustworthy people not to want to make any of this too much of an issue. I should like to be more 'sociable', and I'm aware the villagers are disappointed in me, but I have learned to refuse stress and stressful relationships, work or otherwise, or walk away from it as fast as possible.

I have pondered the history, and the culture, and try to understand how this may be affecting people, and their behaviour. But as others have posted, things ain't so rosy in the UK. And everything I can see from this window is perfectly free from a need to control, or harrass, or anything else unacceptable. It is beautiful! :D :D

PS Yes, many thanks to those who came out earlier - can't imagine how I'd have kept my head without all that good advice!

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dylan
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Postby dylan » Sat Sep 18, 2010 5:29 pm

Liliana , I too thought it a odd question to ask so i checked compacts first post to see who it was and that brought pages and pages of comments for a first post. Still no wiser but maybe he wants to see if other people are having it worse than he is then he may feel a bit better himself, who knows till he comes back on and explains why he asked such a personel question in the first place.. Sounds like a story from one of the dozens of gossip mags that are on sale these days. dylan

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Postby Hippyboy » Sat Sep 18, 2010 8:44 pm

Well whoever 'compact' is , and whatever their intentions , I think its been a good thread anyway , with lots of interesting posts . Incidentally 'compact' did make a very brief post on the 'communism' thread more recently . Tim .

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who is compact

Postby geocyd » Sun Sep 19, 2010 8:32 pm

Look at the gallery, compact is johnbaz.....(with his famous ironwork) who i think most of us know likes to stir it up on this and many more Bulgaria forums

Indeed we believe you are correct and this has been dealt with. The originally posted question has some relevancy though so please continue the thread in that vein, thanks MOD :wink:

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Postby millomgirl » Mon Sep 20, 2010 7:37 am

I think you have to have a strong relationship with your partner in order to survive here and be happy. You can live a good life, but it is not without its stresses, just different ones from the UK! Personally, I don't find life here to be that stressful, but then I live in a village and probably a lot of things that happen go over my head anyway. But if you have a rocky relationship in the UK, don't move out here thinking that BG will make it better, because it won't. I think a lot of people suffer from boredom, and I have heard of many Brits with drink problems etc. As with living anywhere, you need to have a positive mental attitude.If you just come to laze around in the sun and do nothing - great for a couple of weeks! - you may well find yourself with too much time on your hands and not enough to fill it. And that is when boredom and disillusionment set in. Not everything in Bulgaria is wonderful, but then not everything in the UK is wonderful either. I don't think it's as much where you live, but how you live that makes the difference between settling here or not.

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Postby Moscow_Wolf » Mon Sep 20, 2010 8:04 am

DeeCee wrote:
But still, I've met enough decent, trustworthy people not to want to make any of this too much of an issue. I should like to be more 'sociable', and I'm aware the villagers are disappointed in me, but I have learned to refuse stress and stressful relationships, work or otherwise, or walk away from it as fast as possible.



You raise an interesting point about being 'more sociable'. I am quite happy to be left alone although, I wouldn't class myself as unsociable, I just don't like the idea of neighbours dropping in every 10 minutes. The fact that we have 3 dogs that the majority of the neighbours are scared of helps me in this area. I should qualify this by stating that my dogs are not aggressive and I do not encourage them to bark, but they let me know when someone is approaching and let the approaching person know they ought to take a wide berth. Still having no fences, there is not much more I can do without chaining them up which in fact, makes them even more protective.

However, our only British neighbours who are members of this forum and were here well before me, but usually only spend a few summer and autumn months here came around this last week and they have a full social life in this village getting invited to this and that celebration in the village.

So, I either need to get out more or, change my deodorant. I have a suspicion that if the neighbours think you are totally alone, cannot understand the language then, they are more forthcoming, but if like ourselves, we can communicate using Russian and now some Bulgarian that they see you're more independent and they're not as forthcoming, but that is only my theory and I'm the bloke with the bad odour and 3 aggressive dogs so what do I know. :roll:

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Postby DeeCee » Mon Sep 20, 2010 12:35 pm

Yes, Moscow Wolf, I think dogs can make a difference, though in my case I have one that is not on a chain, though I do have systems of gates and yards to keep her apart from people who find this scary, or don't want to be greeted by a friendly dog with muddy paws. Or simply are appalled by someone having a 'dirty dog' in her house! I could tell a very funny story here, but I won't! :roll:

I'd assumed not being part of a couple made things harder for me, since people wanted to 'take me over', add me to their family, in a way, and as my status is lower than the youngest daughter-in-law, the endless 'put-downs' and unacceptable demands got me down. 'No' is not an option, apparently.

However from what's been posted it's not only single people who get targeted by control freaks, and I remember another thread long ago where a married woman seemed to be struggling as I did, and she had better Bulgarian. Even my main contribution to village life was stymied by a villager.

Until the end of 2008 I was going to celebrations and village events, but the impossibility of pleasing everyone in a very diverse community and growing criticism on all fronts, plus some really nasty incidents both here and in other people's houses, and I chose to avoid any more 'na gosti'. It was just too much stress, endlessly walking on eggshells and coming home in low spirits. So I say hello to everyone cheerily, and leave it at that. I'm content, and, I'm never alone, that is a faith relationship, but it would have been nice to have friendly relationships as in the past in UK villages, and be involved in things. Early days! After all, if your grandmother didn't go to school with your neighbour's grandmother, who are you?

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Postby millomgirl » Mon Sep 20, 2010 2:54 pm

MW, your philosophy sounds very much like mine. I don't think I am unsociable, but I am quite happy with my own company and that of my animals, and I hate being 'taken over' and dragged into peoples' houses for food and drinks etc.
Yes, I totally agree that once they see you are happily standing on your own feet, they do tend to back off a bit and leave you to your own devices. Also, perhaps the 'novelty' value of befriending the English person has worn off a bit by then too.I do think that having the dogs helps also. I have three, and their barking is enough to scare away the most persistent person!

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Postby brianj42 » Thu Nov 11, 2010 11:42 am

Before BG I was heading Eastbound on business stopping at numerous countries on route, my wife was flying Westbound. Occasional weekends at home or maybe on a beach somewhere in Mauritius, or Thailand. Nice for a time, BUT not for a relationship.

BG was our first time ever in each others pockets for 24 hours a day. Five years on, and its the best thing we both did and NOT ONCE have we bashed heads. We are like peas in a pod and wouldn't go back to seperate lives for nothing.

As for stress, strain and what BG has done to us. I suppose if we had rented a place and not gone into any tpe of business then there would have been less hassle. Building a house and running a business, its left us one step short of the looney bin :smt119

Now recouperating somewhere in a woods in Western Europe. :smt101


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